I have been asking God to show me why I am here. Here, as in this place in my life, my walk with him. I told him I have no desire to get up or keeping going (although I keep doing just that). I have no desire or motivation to fundraise for my mission trip to Peru or the honor academy or pray to him. They are seem like GIANT mountains I will have to climb. It has never been like that before. And I am realizing those things, like praying and fundraising are hard things. They take effort and determination. Prayer is a battle. When people start praying, GOD, amazing things happen. ANd they should, since we are talking to him, stirring up the heavens with His words.
So I am pushing through these, hoping to find the answers, continuing to do the best I can. Then last wednesday at Chi Alpha (XA), Pastor Pete said that without vision people and things parish. They DIE; they are no more. That was happening in my life. I had no vision for praying or fundraising. I was just trying to do them because I need to do them.
And then, I LOVE HOW GOD WORKS, i trusted him and said yes. yes to what? Yes to let Him do what he wanted. to let God use me and for him to speak so i could listen. So he sent my aunt to give me an encouraging word. She shared a story of a man who was told (by God) to go push that rock. He pushed and pushed, everyday, faithfully. then satan comes and says why are you pushing that rock, it has not moved at all? So the man goes to God and says why am I pushing to rock, it hasn’t moved? God said, but look, you are stronger, your muscles are in shape, you are tan. Pushing the rock has helped you in so many ways. Plus, I only asked you to push the rock, not move it. I will move the rock.
And so, here am I pushing the rock. Pushing is making me stronger.
And (i start too many sentences with that) today i realized that when i said yes to pushing to rock, god went to work. i had no motivation to fundraise or motivation to pray for people. But in saying yes, i held a garage sale last week, and going to have another one this week. I am seeing the opportunities to fundraise all over. god is my motivation. and i finished writing my support letters (it was a long time coming). with prayer, God has caused me to depend more on him. With this week off, i am able to devote more time to prayer and see how wonderful it is. It is hard work, but hard work that has eternal rewards. So P.U.S.H. through the discomfort and see how great God is.
Pray Until Something Happens. 
wow, Allison, I love reading your blog! Thank you for your honest, open sharing!
This post really resonates with my heart, because I’ve been feeling like that too a lot lately. This is an encouragement and a God-sent change of perspective! Thank you!
Oh beautiful sister Allison, God is shining in you so clearly, and there is such a strength and steadfastness in you, despite how you may ever feel. Hmmm, maybe the strength has come from pushing rocks… wow.
Anyways, te amo mucho!
oh, and I like what you said, “prayer is a battle.”
So many times I forget that prayer matters; I forget that it is REAL, for real… And I forget that it’s not about me and not about whether I feel like it or feel “good enough” to pray.
Wow.
Praise God for His patience and grace!
i always forget that God ACTUALLY speaks to me until i spit something like this blog out. it all comes out when i sit down to think about what is happening.
Thank Jesus for his enduring patience with oblivious, imperfect people.
Wow, I really loved reading this blog. I am a 2nd-year intern at the Honor Academy and have been on 3 mission trips with them, and fundraising is the thing about it that I hate the most! But as I have been obedient to what God has told me to do, He works the miracles, and I am stronger for it. You’re doing the right thing. Be encouraged